How to Lose Readers and Generally Piss People Off

And it's so much easier than winning friends and influencing people!

So it seems I was given a blog award. It's nice to know people out there are reading my crap and getting something from it, even if all it is is a few laughs at my retardedness! And I must say, that coming along so close on the heels of the shit-storm that managed to hit this little Barrel of Monkeez only a short while ago where I was labeled the biggest oxygen theif to ever walk the earth or some shite, it was a welcome reminder that not everyone thinks I am the devil incarnate!

But..... (and here's the bit where I become Most Hated Blogger again)

I just can't accept it!

It wwas said that I was bestowed this award for being someone who tells it like it is, and well, I guess that is what I am about to do. And I find this all quite funny, as lately I have found myself wondering if I am self-censoring too much and should let a bit more honesty out of the box.

To me, blog awards smack of circle-jerking, self-indulgent, own horn tooting, mutual masterbatory, click-ish 14 year old girl behaviour. Something which I recently expressed my abhorrance for. So to post the award, the link to it, or to pass it on would be highly hypocritical of me.

This does not mean I do not appreciate the sentiment behind it from the giver, though. It also is not me sitting here telling you not to participate. To each their own, and I totally get that others dont think like me.

Blog Awards are, to me, a shining example of many things that bother me about blogging, and have for the many years I have blogged. The very rules that surround them seem to be contradictory to their purpose.

Firstly, the awards are for something specific. Like a category at an award show. But even there, the epitomy of wank-fests, there may be numerous nominees, but there is only ever ONE winner. In blog-land, there are many winners, which kinda makes the award worthless in my opinion. In life there's only ever one person who wins the big prize.

Not only that, but there is usually a specific number of "winners". If the award is for, say NICEST BLOGGER (which clearly mine was NOT lol) then the rules tell you to choose, for example, your five nicest bloggers. WTF? What if there are only 3 you think are really nice? Those other 2 would have just won an award for doing nothing spectacular. Kinda makes the whole thing pointless IMHO.

Part of me not wanting to participate is that I honestly dont think my blog is worthy of an award. And no, that isnt a lame-ass attempt to have you tell me how good I am. Part of what I like about myself is that I KNOW how good I am. And how bad. I acknowledge my limits, my faults, my "areas fit for improvement" as well as my awesomeness. This blog is not good. This is not where I do my best writing. This is where I empty my head and my heart, its my sounding board, my record of ineptitude..... its lots of things, but its not any good. I keep a number of blogs. I always have. I have one for creative writing. I have one for weight loss. I have one for erotic stories. I have one for my chronicles of mum-ness. I have one for my art. THIS is the dumping ground for my fucked-up-ness. It doesnt deserve an award - not unless that award comes with a few years of extensive therapy anyway!

I also don't want to pass awards on to others. Not because they dont deserve it, but because people who deserve praise shouldnt need to wait until a reminder or an occassion like an award ceremony comes along. They should get it whenever, however, wherever, and as they deserve it. I dont want to single people out either. I read many MANY brilliant blogs on a wide range of subjects. Each one for a totally different reason.

I said in a previous post that I no longer have a blogroll published here because I didnt want to participate in the bullshit of blogging anymore. That too many people online seem to operate under rules that are so at odds with real life, that it can be a place I despise as often as it is a place I love. And I dont want to participate in the perpetuation of the worst parts of this section of society.

And there I go waffling on again, yet another reason why my blog is shite and not deserving of praise!

So, to end the waffle, I will say a great big "thank you" to the lovely blogger who let me know she enjoys my crap. And a "thank you" to those of you who let me read a little part of your lives, and share something with me that I get something out of.

And to myself I will say that once again things have come full cirlce. That you are not crazy. That you are not an oxygen thief (and for anyone still reading this that used that term to describe me in the recent hoo-ha, thank you for using that particular phrase considering the circumstances, it really cut deep) and that perspective isone of lifes greatest gifts, a lesson you have learned and learned well.

And to anyone going through similar shit in your life right now, feeling like Lindsay Lohan in Mean Girls, I will say that life is not ALL high school. And just like those 6 years ended, so will whatever is going on now. There are always trolls on the internet, and bitches in real life.

Take it from this bitch - just like witches, there are good and bad bitches. The trick is knowing which bitch is which.