Things That Are NOT OK....

1. Leaving to go overseas for ages without giving a toss what your girlfriend thinks
2. Expecting her to take care of all your shit while your gone, demanding she do so & having a mini tantrum when she says "hold up, we need to talk about this a bit first", having her square things up with her boss because it would impact on work time, only to tell her not to bother, someone ELSE would do that now (and to tell her that only on the long weekend before you leave)
3. Making her look like a twat at work because she was honest and upfront about the whole thing BEFORE it happened, and now it isnt happening.
4. Not taking care of urgent business before you leave
5. Not telling your woman you didnt take care of urgent business so she had warning
6. Not giving her a warning so that when the person you CHOSE OVER HER to take care of your shit is totally incompetant just like SHE KNEW THAT HE WOULD BE, then she wouldnt look like a twat AGAIN to SOMEONE ELSE when they chased her down for the answers
7. Not calling her like she asked when you landed so she knew you were safe, not floating in the Atlantic or some shit like so many other poor souls
8. Not giving enough of a crap about her to call her cause you miss her
9. Not missing her as mentioned in point 8
10. Not giving her any way to contact you when the shit hits the fan.

Number 10 is by far the worst. Because I'm not even missing him yet. I've spent all yesterday and all today trying to salvage something he holds very dear, because I'm a good woman and know how important it is to him. But it has made me look so fucking unbelievably pathetic. I now look like the worlds most incompetant fuckwit. I'm an epic loser. I'm sure peeps are laughing at me. Because my man went overseas and I cant even contact him when I need to. And he doesn't bother to contact me when he should have.

Its all his fault and I'm the one paying for it! (yes I'm aware that I look like a petulant child and I DONT GIVE A FUCK)

Worst of all is that I have no way to contact him. How pathetic. I dont matter a damn. Clearly. Because I cant call his family. Or his friends. Or anyone. Because I wouldn't even know where to start, really. There's one I can contact, and I did contact them, even though I had to swallow so much pride to do so that I choked. But thats the person who was meant to take care of everything, and DIDN'T. I could contact his ex wife. I know where she is. And being the mother of his kids, and having been a part of his family for many years she would be able to make the calls that are needed. But I cant do it. I cant. He would hate it. HATE IT. And I'm sure she would too. And that doesnt even come into how I feel about it. I just cant do it.

And because I'm such a decent person, I wont. But it doesn't help when I feel guilty for not having done all I can to save this for him. Even though its his fault in the first place for getting it fucked up. Im not wonder woman. I cant "fix" everything. I cant DO everything, be everywhere, win everything, be FUCKING PERFECT. I'm not six people.

Someone should tell my mother that, because I just had to hang up on her for suggesting that I could do EVEN MORE. WTF??? She seriously just told me that despite being a girlfriend, single mum, daughter, sister, worker of 1 full time and 2 part time jobs, owner of 3 pets and friend to many, that apparently, and I quote, "I'd like to see you spend more time cultivating your own business. You seems to have just let that go, and I think if you put the effort in.......". That would be the point I interupted to tell her I had to go. Seriously. Is she SERIOUS???

But I cant even get good and angry at that. Because I'm too busy feeling sick.

Stupid Inadequate Boyfriend.

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. I certainly hope they're WRONG. I hope it makes you see the fuckhead for the selfish immature user he is. I hope it makes you realise that for all the shit he craps on with about loving you, and you mattering to him, that at the end of the day - you dont mean SHIT.

Your hidden from his life. Totally seperate to all he holds dear. And just why is that do you think? Fuck his religion. Fuck his culture. Fuck him. Its all bullshit excuses that he rolls out when it suits him. He can ignore all the fucking "rules" when they say he cant do something that he wants to do. But its oh so very important to obey the ones that give him an excuse to not do the things he doesnt want to. Screw the bastard. I hope absence makes the heart grow cold and wake the fuck up to itself. Fond can get fucked.

He made me look like an idiot. And I'm not. I just want to yell at him, and instead I'm stuck frothing off at teh internasty like a retard.

Well, it takes one to know one.