Fucking Fucked Up Fuckers Are Fucking Pissing Me The Fuck Off

In case you haven't realised, This post may contain swearing.Just a little.

So clearly I can whinge, whine and sook like a right bitch on this blog, which is what blogging is for, no? But it occurred to me today that I have been sorely neglecting another integral part of blogging, and no, I'm not referring to LOLCATS. It is in fact, the long lost art of ranting.

So, without any further ado, let me introduce you to my alter-ego, Mrs Abernathy.

Right, everyone settled? Good. You may want to leave the first few rows empty, as I have brought along my megaphone.

First cab off the rank today is TEACHERS.

For fuck's sake, if they are not immediately given a medal for being the biggest freaking cry-babies I think I will spontaneously combust from the pure travesty this would be. Why the fuck these people, wo are paid over $56Kpa their first year out of studying I will never EVER understand. Yes i know the children are our future yadda-yadda-yadda and educating them is critical blah-blah-blah and we should all praise their efforts and dedication etc-etc-etc but by GAWD that is a pile of fucking crap-Crap-CRAP!!!!

You get enough fucking pay and assistance and time off to get up offa your fat lazy asses and WORK like the god-damned rest of us! You get 12 weeks off a year, work 2 hours a day less than the rest of us, get time off during your 28 hour work week and get and hour for lunch each day included in that!
AAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!

Why is it then that you cant manage to mark my son's homework that you force me into forcing him to do???? It is a minimum of 1hr a day that I dont really have, plus reading time on top of that. Do you realise that I don't get home until after 6pm? And that I still have to get 1hr of homework done, plus dinner on the table and down his gullet, plus a shower, plus unpack/repack his bag, plus his 10-30mins reccommended reading, AND get him into bed by 9pm? Do you realise that he needs some time to wind down before going to bed, or else it takes another hour to get him to sleep? And why must I spend this minimal amount of time with him ARGUING over what 6x7 is? Or why he has to do his homework because he doesnt want to and HIS TEACHER WONT MARK IT ANYWAY SO WHY BOTHER?????? Please, oh PLEASE tell me how I am supposed to argue THAT point with him?????

Why am I not allowed to spend some quality time with my child at the end of the day? Why must this instead be a daily battlezone? And why am I explaining year 4 maths? Last I checked, I had already completed Year 4! And please explain why you can't just teach them MATHS, and instead must teach this round-about BULLSHIT that makes them to 28 sums in order to get the answer to 37-18? AND ESPECIALLY why in YOUR method for SUBTRACTION, why is there ADDITION in the fucking equation??????????

And while we are at it, if you EVER send home his permission slip, raffle money and school fees again demanding that I put them in seperate fucking envelopes then I swear I will not be held responsible for my actions. Actions which will be swift, bare-handed and BLOODY, let me assure you.

Next we have CHILD CARE WORKERS

If any of you had more than 2 brain cells to rub together, it would be a freaking miracle! You are the most immature bitches I have ever had the misfortune to meet. Taking supplies home from our centres is STEALING and you will be sacked. PERIOD. Secondly, I will pit my mathematics against yours ANY DAY OF THE FUCKING WEEK. I will bet ONE MILLION DOLLARS on it that I will be right. I am not joking. I would also suggest that as well as bringing a calculator with you wherever you go - as your job only requires you to count to ten, and I'm sorry missy, but there ARE numbers AFTER that - that perhaps you should check your filing cabinets at home, as you all signed CONTRACTS that specify that what you are arguing about is something YOU AGREED TO IN THE FIRST PLACE.

To add insult to (your) injury - which by the way, I am happy to inflict upon you - you are all making idiots of yourselves over this Award bullshit. The law is on OUR side on this. You cannot be paid under an award that is now superceeded. In fact, the entire system it was created in is now defunct! Just because you asked your FRIEND who is also a Childcare Worker and therefore surely as dumb as you, what the situation should be  and "THATS WHAT SHE SAID" well, it doesnt make it true. Point in fact, you are arguing that you want to be paid LESS, so trust me, if it was at all LEGAL to give you what you want, I WOULD!!!!!

Next on the list are SOCCER FOOTY MUMS

 
You girls are BITCHES! For christ's sake! I am NOT there to steal your man! Believe me when I say I DONT WANT HIM! But even aside from all that crap, I am actually here to watch my son train and play, strange as that may seem to you! Sproglet has changed teams this year, in fact, he has changed clubs altogether. Now I KNOW he is wearing the opposition's gear, but its still TRIALS and you guys don't have your gear finished and for sale yet! I cant buy him your shorts and shit even if I wanted to! (which I do, so please get your shit together). Now I TRIED to break into your circle. Its not easy, let me tell ya. You have all been together for years, and formed a bond, I know. But I'm nice! And even though you should be trying to welcome new members to your fold (which by the way, this girlies son makes a better team member than plenty of your kids and you know it - Kermit Much?) I have gone out of my way for 3 weeks to try and make conversation. Its not my fault that your husbands started talking to me last Saturday at the game! My son KICKED ASS and they knew it. PLUS, I cheer with the best of them and KNOW THE RULES!!! God, its your kid out there, at least learn the rules to the sport he plays! Not my fault I watched the Friday night Professional games and could add KNOWLEDGEABLE comments about those games AND the one our boys are playing now. Pay more attention to the offside rule than your hair next week, and your fellas might just talk to you too!

Holy Jebus! Are these women insecure or what? For fucks sake, you go home with him, but this girl IS allowed some CONVERSATION which, I may add, I original sought from you and was denied!

Last but not least is RANDOM STRANGERS

Just where the fuck do these random strangers get off thinking they can just comment on my life? Why are you sending me stalker-mail on facebook? Why are you telling me what perfume I should wear? Why do you have such a problem with me driving in my own lane? Why should I buy a Toyota? Especially when my car shits all over a Toyota and nobody said I was looking to buy a new car or even unhappy with this one? Why can I not comment on someone's blog that you just happen to read and not like me there? Why should I burn in hell for all eternity? Why does Inadequate Boyfriend deserve MS? Why am I not allowed to swear on Facebook? And why if you dont like my language do you not just delete me?  Why did you demand I sign my creditcard before you would accept my signed docket? If its not already signed, and you make me do it now in front of you, how do you know it's really mine? What is so wrong with having personal cards as well as business cards? Do you know how often I need to give out my details as "Sproglets Mum"? I had 250 cards made up and I think I have about half left. Thats alot of used cards. I think they are sensible.

Mostly though I didn't appreciate the following two comments from total strangers:

1. (given as I was chatting to a friend in a coffee shop about the recent medical breakthroughs) "You're an idiot if you do that. You're going to get him killed, and it will be all on you because you are selfish and can't accept him for how he is. If a doctor says don't do it, who are you to know better?"
I'll add to this that not only was it not a doctor who I was talking about that was advising against it, but this guy was eavesdropping for about 10% of the conversation, and heard none of the facts supporting it

 
And the second, which clearly takes the cake in my book:

2.(given as I was standing in line at the supermarket, alone and minding my business buying milk) "I want to lick you"

Who the fuck says that to people?

********DISCLAIMER********

Whilst I absolutely speak my mind, own my words and do not for one second take back anything I have said, it must be stated that I do in fact know one or two teachers, childcare workers & soccer mums who are not in fact the total retarded-fuckwit-tosspots that the rest are. 

But only one or two.

As for random strangers, the ones who wolf-whistle or hold open the door for me are OK too.

The rest, however, can suck my dick!