Questions

I've been fielding many of these lately. And it seems as though the majority are ones I realy don't want to answer.

So when I was asked for the 5 billionth time by someone who knows me so well "Why are you still fat, Epskee?" it came as a surprise that instead of all the usual answers, there came a new one. One I never expected to have pop into my brain.

The answer was that I am scared.

Now I take responsibility for my own actions. And always have. But the fact of the matter is that I had a horror pregnancy, with many complications, a partner who was literally trying to kill me or at least my unborn child, and both sproglet and I came very close to death at birth-time. But besides that, at 6.5 mths pregnant I had gained 5kg, bringing my weight to 63kg. People were starting to tease me for my slightly podgy belly, and not realising I was in fact, pregnant. I was still hot stuff at the local nightclubs, even if I was no longer the perfect 10, I was still a 9.5 for sure.

The morning I was induced I weighed in at 129.7kg. Thats double my weight PLUS some in less than 2.5 months, people. That isnt normal in anyones books. You cant get that fat even if you TRY.



Now I am looking at my body, the enormous stretch marks and damage to my skin (I got so fat so fast that in the last week I put on over 12kgs. I was literally in tears, as I could feel the lower layers of my skin tearing)

Now I'm scared that the way my skin is, the way my body is, that if I lose all this weight (which I don't believe will happen, because no matter how hard i work at it it will not shift past a certain point) that I will end up as Miss Flabby McFlappy-Skin.

And that's gross.

PS - Yes I am totally aware that this is an aversion tactic to not be focusing on my breakup. Thank you.