Isn't it Ironic

Y'all enjoy having that song in your heads now, y'hear?

In only ONE text-exchange, I managed to sum up my entire life:

Background: I didnt know about his wife and kids for a very long time when we first got together. It was a one night stand that somehow turned into two nights, then three, then a few years and a whole lotta water under the bridge. For a long time after I found out, I was unsure about the exact situation with the wife & kids. I mean, it was hidden and lied about for so long, and wasnt brought to my attention in the end, I found out. To be truthful, I'm still a littlefunny about it all. There was just so much deceit for so long..... It still makes me uneasy.

Scene: Epske and Inadequate Boyfriend have an arguement on msn, which ends with him walking off mid-conversation (as usual). Espkee calls him, and demands that he not walk off mid-sentence again, doesnt ask favours of her saying its for him when really its for others (especially since this favour asking was hot on the heels of an arguement) and EXPECIALLY not to ask her to help his ex-wife again, PARTICULARLY when he doesnt tell her its for the ex-wife...... Espkee swears on her sons life that this will result in her never taking another call from him so long as she lives.

Scene: A few minutes later, a text arrives:
IB:   Ok i will not call u ever again if you want. Been nice knowing you.
 
E:    Nice to know your still married. Burn in hell then asshole.

IB:   Now im an asshole? Thank u. Language that really shows type of person u r. Also i am not married & ur attitude is one reason i never will again.

E:    More lies. Well at least your consistant in your lack of consistancy.




*sigh*

It so childish. All of it. Both of us. He says one day that we are serious, that being married isnt off the cards even. And then this. His anger shows his true colours. His temper is the only thing that makes him be honest. I know this because its the only time everything adds up. Its the only time everything makes sense. He "explains" so many things as being not as they appear. But I know him to be a master manipulator. Every arguement we have ever had, has involved him twisting and distorting things until he looks good in it. he can never accept responsibility for himself or his actions. He can never be the one at fault. The one who fucked up.

And that language comment? It gets me as much or more as the rest of it. He refuses to change a single thing about himself. Even when its detrimental to others, even when he is just plain NASTY. He wont stop/change regardless of how his actions/words make anyone else feel.

When we met, I swore like mad. I always have. No its not ladylike. Whatevs. He swears like a trooper too.

He hasnt even noticed that I've tried really hard (and been rather successful - although not totally, obvs!) to stop swearing. One little ASSHOLE (totally deserved btw) and he goes on about my language?

Its how I was when we met. I never hid it, or lied about it. He knew from day one (like he knew *I* had kids, yet hid his)

So why put me down for it now?

Is this my inability to habdle guilt thats making this feel like such an attack? Or is it the constant, CONSTANT double standards? Or the higher standards imposed on me than him? The inequality? The bare-faced UNFAIRNESS of it all? The fact that he is a muslim lebanese man and im a white "slut"? Does my expectation to cop some of the superiorority complex they all have affect my judgement? Am i overly sensitive because im "waiting" for him to try and exert his "god given right" (or Allah given, whatevs) to be superior to a lowly woman, to try and control me?

I'm just so tired of the constant struggle, the daily grind trying to be treated as someone he professes to love. To be treated as an equal. Hell, even a person.

So, to those people in the world such as him, who are trying to tell me my use of bad language makes me less of a person, or less desireable, to those telling me I should change from who they fell in love with or wanted as a friend, i say

FUCK YOU

EDIT Also, what is it with the constant "if you want" comments?? Must everything always be thrown back onto me?