Beyond Boring

Guess what peeps?

There is actually an entire state that exists beyond boring! I am such an intrepid adventurer that I have explored the futhest reaches of dullness and found a long lost land that no-one else knew existed! I feel like those dudes in that boat that sailed to the end of the Earth and didn't fall off on that giant waterfall. It's so disappointing when that happens. I mean, one minute your sitting there all excited and nervous, butterflies on speed bumping around your tummy, waiting for the big roar and the rush of white water...... and then theres this whole other ocean there instead. It makes your tearful farewell just so redundant. And really, who wants that to happen?

Alright, alright, so life hasn't really been a total blank page. There's been drama. It's just that I'm so over it.

Lets see, what has been happening? Well, sproglet and I both came down with Swine Flu's ugly stepsister, Influenza A. And jebus, isn't she a right bitch? I was sick of feeling so sick within about 6hours of her geting her manky little nails into me. So was Sproglet, who having had a total of 3 days off school his entire life, just kncocked that number up by about 15 days. Hell is looking after a sick child while you yourself are sick. If the US would just give Afganistan Non-Swine Flu Flu, Osama Bin Liner would come running out with a white flag ASAP. Those arabs have like 6 billion kids each, and they're all sons, and we all know what males are like with Flu.... they're DYING the second they get a sniffle. I sooooo deserve a job at the White House for that.

Work is shite. Utter shite. Not only am i seriously behind due to taking time off at the one time of year you cant take time off in Accounts, but the Boss's kid is in hospital with Flu-A too. Poor little thing has needed drains inserted in her lungs and all sorts of shit. So while the Bosses are away (coz theyre a husband & wife team) poor Epskee has to pick up the slack as being the next tier down. Granted I share that level with another, but still. Not fun.

I got myself a plagarist on another site where I write. That really wasn't cool. I cant even talk about it. It still gets me too worked up. Its not just angry, its painful. You poor your soul into something, and someone just comes along and claims it for themself. Its so violating. Its so...... *sigh* Its too blergh. I feel so stupid for feeling so strongly over something so pissweak. But I cant help it.

Inadequate Boyfriend has been somewhat adequate lately and its doing my freaking head in. Because even being adequate, he still sorta isnt.

Finances are looking healthy and shit all at once too. There are a number of large unavoidable bills (medical in nature so you cant really not incur them, can ya?) and I hate Hate HATE owing people money, so they are being paid off, however I just dont have anything left over for fun. I miss being able to spend whatever I want and not worry. I know its pathetic, but part of my self worth is based on being able to buy whatever I want, whenever I want. I'm not pretending I can go buy a Bentley the minute the mood strikes, but if I'm at Westfields and walk past some pretty shoes, I want to walk in, try them on, and buy them without a thought. And lately I have had to think if that impulse purchase is possible. As I dont have a credit card, the transaction might not go through. Tres embarrassment. But worse than that, it makes me feel worthless and just plain old not good enough. And I dont like it.

There have been a few family dramas also which I just dont want to talk about, so I wont.

My to-do list is growing exponentially, and that is not something I cope well with. I'm the kinda girl who accomplishes things. Who gets things done. Im not an "I will" person, I'm an "I did" gal. A growing to-do list instead of a shrinking/empty one? So wrong.

All in all, everything is a mess, everything is below par, and it all has been this way for such a long time now, and I HATE IT.

I dont feel like me. I cant get motivated. I cant get happy. Hell, I cant even get sad and have a cry. Im so dull and boring I just feel nothing. Nothing.

I feel so nothing that whilst feeling nothing bothers me, it also sorta doesn't. Coz really? Feeling nothing is just, well, kinda nothing.

Id ask what is wrong with me, but, meh. Its nothing.