The Rubber Band Chronicles

Sorry all. I currently have my period and am going through hell. I am a fucking weak cunt and a whiny little twat. So sue me. Never had a break up before? Bite me beeeeyotch. I need a rubber band, and here it is. If I cant be strong myself, I'll fucking force myself by parading my fucking ineptitude in front of the entire world, raw, uncensored and in full friggin colour. Try taking the prick back now you dumb bitch. Every cunt and his dog will KNOW how fucking stupid you are if you do. This will be the story of how Epskee got her balls back. (yes I know thats an oxymoron. shaddup)

So I told most of the story about Friday night in the last post. Not all, no, and I'm not about to re-hash. Suffice to say it was extremely painful, had my entire face swollen from crying the next day and I spent almost the whole day playing the sproglet's new playstation games with him that he got for his Bday. So sue me. I didn't get outta my trakkies, vomited a few more times and needed a couple of nanna naps and cold compresses in their 000's to attempt to reduce the swelling. I felt like I had been hit by a bus after completing 6 marathons. I was fucked. Seriously fucked. I even tried calling my mum (big mistake - shows how fucked I was that I even tried that).

So Saturday there were a few more texts between us. I admit I was the sooky little bitch who started it. Probably even with some lame "why dont you love me" bullshit. oh yes, I was Pathetic McLame-o. Whatevs. NOT. EVEN. BOVVERED. He called. I answered like a fool. Crap crap crap LOVE YOU crap crap crap DIDNT MEAN IT/YOU TOOK IT WRONG crap crap crap CAN WE FIX THIS crap crap crap..... followed with some stupid slut agreeing. Cue him saying he wanted a couple of days to clear his head and figure out what he wants etc etc whatevs. Hang up phone. Sproglet demanding sustenance (how dare he - like what, am I supposed to be a mother FIRST or some such shit? Didnt he hear Inadequate Boyfriend? Im a bad mother remember? Must remember to get IB to send the memo again, seems a few people missed it). Dont remember rest of Saturday. Think maybe call or two or few texts. Am pretty sure actually. This is actually a big deal as in HARDLY ANY CONTACT because we normally talk hours each day and, like, dozens of times. Oh yeah, had a fight at lunchtime. As he owed me money, and my brakes are shot (and I have a devil spawn to consider) so I called him and demanded, yes absolutely DEMANDED that he book my car in to my friends workshop and pay for the brakes to be done, or else would not bother to return his belongings, and didn't fucking care what he thought.

Sunday I again was a shithead and called him at 11am. had read something in morning paper that was a big deal for him work wise. Know he reads the telegraph. I do not (too much like channel 10 news - screw you harry potter - your reporting is as fictional as the character that bears your name - and the rest are just as bad you jumped up sensationalists). Debated for about 15mins whether to call or not. Decided I am not a bitch, and CAN in fact be an adult (sometimes) and so rang. Told him. Was asked what I was doing that day. Gave non-committal answer (as in "idunno"). Was told his plan for the day. I asked why he asked. Was told so he could call and talk or catch up later on. No call for rest of day.

Sunday Night I called again as we had an engagement booked for monday and I wanted to knwo what we were going to do about it. He suggested since it was a long drive to this destination that he buy me lunch and we could talk, and talk in the car on the way. He acted like a child. I told him to fuck himself and honestly just felt too damn bored to bother. He yelled to and hung up.

Monday morning I called him again to see what my plans for the day were. Got asked to meet at workshop at 10. Drove to workshop and arrived at 9am. Received call at 8.55 from shop owener and other friend who has offices there to ask how far away I was. Arrived to find coffee purchased as I like it, sitting at table ready. Sat cahtting over coffee. Lovely. Helped friend out in office. Called IB to see why he was late at 10.25. Got told he had been waiting downstairs since 9.50. Not happy. Stayed extra to finish helping mate. Fuck the dumb cunt if he cant call out/phone/text/come upstairs to offices.

Went along to engagement. Not much talk. Tuirned into ME talking as per usual. Got nowhere. Was particularly pleased with self for laying cards on table. Told him what expected, what needed, what unacceptable. Got nowhere. Lunch not even that good, although beachfront dining was a plus. Drive home not so good. Small amount of tears escaped despite best efforts. Bastard. Breaks good on return. Yippee. When leaving got told he would call. He didn't. He asked to come up and get favour/stuff tues night. I agreed. (Shut up - will explain later) Note: Told him in no uncertain terms that I absolutely NEEDED him to prove he was in this and friday night was bullshit as he tried to tell me it was. Told him I always go first, this was his turn to make first move, NON NEGOTIABLE. He promised he would show me things were better soon. Went home and filed his paperwork. Shouldnt have but can now be certified martyr and also have clean(ish) computer desk again now that his crap is off it!

Tuesday big day for me, medium day for him. Still angry about no call night before as promised, and also thinking would be good and EASY step in right direction. Rang him in morning. no answer. Sent text wishing him well with his medium sized thing. Thanked him for not bothering to care about my BIG thing. Finished big thing. Got email for him and dealt with it for him whilst I knew he was doing his medium thing. Did few other things that were nice. Cant help self - am totally lost cause and will be nice when confronted with osama/hitler/jebus/whatevs. Collect evil spawn and head home. Clean house to make sure not accused of being bad housekeeper again (was mortified last time as he pointed it out and discussed it with a mutual friend). Cooked dinner for spawn and self. Homework/mothercrap time. Shower spawn. Was told earlier IB will arrive AFTER 8pm. (I hate not knowing what Im doing and ask him to narrow down "later" to actual skip time, needing prompts such as "at least after/before when" or "not before/after when") At 7.30 text asking what plans are. Get told after 8 (no shit sherlock its a 35-45minute drive). Send another text saying as much and asking what plans are as its 7.30. No response. Continue cleaning as house is looking like shit anyway after weekend of laziness. (I work 4 jobs fuck ya - I clean on the weekend if and when i can fit it in). 9pm rolls around so i call asking WTF??? thinking lazy sod has probably fallen asleep. Aparently he is on the way, 15 mins out. Am not happy as no response to questions about ETA and wanted SHOWER before significant other arrived and now have no time. Am yelled at so suggest he turn back if is going to be a cock. Bit more fighting and he decides yes he will turn back. Resist the physical pull I fell and just for once do NOT cave in and call him back.

He arrives at door wanting belongings back. Am not impressed as evil spawn does not need to witness this. Evil spawn asked just this arvo about remaining Bday gift in boot. I explained to sproglet that gift was from IB so would have to wait till he saw him to get it. Rules are if someone buys you a gift, they get to watch you open it. Sproglet excited and asks when IB coming next, asks if IB coming tonight. I say no because at that point in arvo was not 100% sure and thought better safe than sorry.. (Interject here to say gift was fucking purchased by ME mother fucker. Gift was found, paid for, wrapping and card supplied and I demanded he at least WRAP the damn thing - did this as IB is big part of sproglets life too just by being around his mum, and deserves a gift)

So am very unimpressed at yelling etc at my door and barging in to demand stuff back. All in front of kid. Stupid girly hormones mean I cry again fukkit. Go out to car to get few of his things and compose self. Come back in and get sweettalked into being calm-ish again. Agree to finish favour previously agreed to (like I said we will come back to this). Watch in dismay whilst I am blamed for honest mistake. Watch in utter disgust whilst IB chicks tantrum at HIS OWN mistake. Swallow words. Put head down. Get task done. Task being absolute knife to guts. IB gets phone call and gets rid of caller fast. Phone made my tummy turn knotts. Womens intuition never wrong before and playing up now. Ask innocent question and get secretive answer. Say (not yell) SAY not happy and feel spidey senses tingling. Am yelled at and laughed at and am rather over not being cared about. Who the fuck laughs when they stick a knife in and then twist it too? Finish doing favour whilst pointing out true extent of such. At end, ask what is going on. Lay out facts again. Argue. Yell. Cry. IB says he just wants to be friends. I reach my limit and say fine, and tell him to leave. Cannot take any more. He gets shitty that I threw him out (wonder to self why when he dumps me after getting all he wanted that I would rect in any way OTHER than to not want to be near him and just want to curl up in bed with large bottle of vodka)

Cue more text messages and phone calls until even RIGHT THIS MINUTE, being quarter to 2, after I said at 9pm that I was tired and wondering if maybe he shouldnt come over.

Started to cry as he left, then stopped. Am too tired. Not go-to-bed-tired (although Im really that too now) but just totally exhausted and worn out.

Back to the favour. Im sure your wondering why I did it. And yes I know I shouldnt have. But I'm nice, and I don't want to feel guilty for not honouring a promise to help. Plus, now I know he came up only for that. Which if that wasnt enough, he said he would destroy what I did for him anyway. Granted I did say I did it wrong, but hey, I dont care. This is a man who leaves me questioning very fucking thing including myself and my sanity. Why cant he wonder about something for once? Especially because if he had a brain he would know I wouldn't fuck him over because Im nice (which is unfortunate because Id really love to screw him over right now). Plus, this is something he can have checked in about 5 minutes flat and have it confirmed as perfect. not like what he makes ME wonder about for days, months, even YEARS. I hear you ask if I wont feel guilty that he destroyed it and therefore doesnt have what I promised he would. Well, I did it. I did it right. If he knows me at all he will know that. I even told him so. I also told him he can check it if he wants. So if he wants to be a five year old and ruin it thats his shit not mine.

I also told him since he was driving home that Id jump on the net and lock him out of all his emails etc. See, Im a petty bitch too. Thing is I never planned to do it. Never would. Want to, oh BOY do I want to, but I wont. It would hurt me more than him and Ive hurt enough. But the silly prick again thought I would. All i see is that he thinks so poorly of me, that he doesnt know me at all, and the things he says when he thinks like that.......

Id write about these calls and texts since he left but Im fucking buggered and I still have 750ml of vodka to get through. So night night to all 2 of you bothering to read this (yes you miss kitty who has nothing to read on her feedreader and so is desperate enough to bother with my tripe)

I dont care if nobody reads this. I need to mend my heart and my head, and detox, because thats exactly what this is - fucking TOXIC (and even worse because now im singing Briney Spears)

I may not have balls again yet, but I think I may have found a sack to put them in when I finally DO find them